Passage II

A Propensity for Pens

"You have plenty of pens," my friend said gently. “Give me mine back".

I often find myself in this situation—sheepishly handing back someone else's pen. I'm the type who inadvertently attempts to walk away with the pen at the bank, even though it's chained to the counter. This is not a deliberate act, which I just unconsciously assume that all pens belong to me. (18)

Perhaps this is because being a writer and I never really feel comfortable without a pen in my possession. I usually carry a good solid fistful of pens in my backpack. I simply feel better to know a pen is handy. Who knows when they will run dry?

Maybe I'm afraid an important thought will come to me and I'll have no way to record it. You can always capture an idea by scribbling a sentence on a napkin, a bit of newspaper, or even your hand.As long as you have a pen, paper is a secondary concern.

Pens are also featured prominently at my bedside. Small piles of uncapped ballpoints gather as if of their own accord, on my night table. (24) Although I can't think of a time when I have actually woken up in the middle of the night with a brilliant thought, the pens' presence indicates my continuing belief that someday I might.

My pen habit, like most habits, is not without its negative consequences. I'm not just referring to the embarrassment of being caught walking off with someone else's property. There's still the fact that most of my clothes have been decorating with ink stains from leaking pens or scrawls from moments of unconscious doodling.

[1] After a recent mishap involving half of my travel wardrobe, my father convinced me not to pack pens in my suitcase. [2] And to me, that feels like traveling light. [3] The low air pressure in the plane's cargo hold is bound to make them leak and ruin my clothes. [4] Despite such calamities,I still travel with at least five pens, capped but ready in my pocket. (29)