Passage II

Home Improvement, or Not?

[1]

Have you ever seen those home-improvement shows on television? Beware, for they don't tell the whole story. These shows portray remodeling projects under ideal conditions, not the conditions most of us must contend with. I recently added a second bathroom to my house, doing all the work myself. Over an entire summer, I learned a lot about plumbing, electrical wiring, and carpentry. I also learned about the four stages of remodeling: Enthusiasm, Despair, Adaptation, and Satisfaction.

[2]

The first stage is marked by eagerness. One morning you tear into a wall, feeling a trickle of enthusiasm as plaster crumbles beneath your wrecking bar. That enthusiasm sustains you for days as you take out the old to build the new.

[3]

But the wall your intent to cut an arch through turns out to be brick, not wood. Lifting the floorboards, you find a twisted mess of rusted pipe and rotting wire. About then the building inspector stops by, to ensure proper drainage, she says, you'll have to landscape the lawn.

[4]

Despair, however, soon gives up on adaptation. Work on the project grows sporadic. You pound a few nails, maybe patch over that hole in the roof. You try to convince yourself things aren't so bad. Ankle-deep in sawdust, you wonder: Do I really need hot water?

[5]

Eventually, you recall that you once had an enjoyable life apart from power tools and plumbing. You tackle the project once more, with enthusiasm—but by a moderation of enthusiasm with experience. Before too long in the future, you're the proud owner of a second bathroom.

[6]

You sink into despair, the house you thought you owned has turned on its master. Worse yet, there's no going back; the old hot water pipes have been ripped out, and a jagged; four-foot hole in the roof has turned into an unplanned and precarious skylight.

[7]

(26) Take a long look at your shiny new bathroom, settle into an easy chair, and enjoy a well-deserved rest. You might want to watch a little television. If so, keep the remote control handy. When one of those home-improvement shows come on, you'll want to change channels quickly.